Deaf website

Most of you know I suffer from progressive hearing loss. I try to prepare for it, but it's preparing for the unknown. So sometimes I am struck with the things that I may not be able to do. I'm pretty ok with it, no matter what it is. The things I truly love for the most part don't need the ability to hear....except my games. Oh my games. PC games, console games, online games, rpgs...RPGs MAN!!!! *coughs* Umm.yeah, so I'm a geek.

Point being, it never crossed my mind that someday I may not be able to play many of my games AT ALL. I mean, I am going deaf, and some of my games have a heavy dialogue thing going..but I got a very awesome headset that helps....it didn't occur to me that if I needed a top of the line headset, that I may have some issues later when I can't hear. So imagine my surprise, and surprising gratitude at www.deafgamers.com. I'll be linking it in the side panel as well. But I wanted to draw attention to it. If you know a deaf gamer, this is a great site and I may even contribute in with online games myself, as those don't seem to be covered as well. From their About:

At Deaf Gamers the way we review the software is a little different as it's from a deaf persons perspective. Text/visual feedback is a key issue for a deaf person and many has the occasion been when a deaf games player has purchased a game only to find no visual feedback or very little of it (this can ruin the game for them). As you will know, conventional game reviews usually don't provide this info and the deaf gamer is left guessing. This is where Deaf Gamers comes in and tries to redress the balance.

This is just a little piece of it. There's a bit more info for those that are interested. But check it out if you are deaf or send it to someone else you know who could use it.

New Look

Ok, THIS is definitely the last new look for awhile. Now, SophistiCat sent me this excellent picture that I wanted to set up as my look...however, I just don't have time to really get into making a great layout. Or even a decent one. However, the image is saved and put away for a future in which I have a few hours to myself and can actually complete a thought that isn't interrupted with MOMMA.

I've had Barely Dressed for a while. Several years. I even did a stint off of Blogger hosting it myself, and will one day hopefully return to that. In all those years, it's been difficult to find a layout already made that so fitted the title. And finding an image that didn't show someone's snatch so I could make my own layout...well, the title is BARELY dressed, not totally nude. Then there's finding something fitting with class. Most half dressed pictures are overly suggestive for what Barely Dressed means to me. Some scantily clad gal in bright red lipstick sucking a lollipop/banana/chocolate strawberry/etc was NOT the point I was trying to get across.

Barely Dressed is not a phrase of sexuality. It has nothing to do with sex, lasciviousness, or physical nudity. I wanted a barely dressed image that didn't offer sex, bare genitals, and titillation. I wanted a statement, of class, of being just within the realms of decent while maintaining some pride. No nasty poses. No suggestive sucklings on various fruits and foods. But it had to have just a hint of salaciousness. Just a hint, mind you, of "naughty". Why?

Barely Dressed is an attitude, a way of thinking, of being. It's honesty with a little blunt force trauma. It's saying that thing you aren't supposed to in "polite" company, even if you ARE in "polite" company. It's being "naughty" and stating the things that "shouldn't" be said, just nakedly saying it in such a way that people stop, listen, laugh, but understand. It IS about making people feel stupid and look stupid, if they are being stupid. It's about standing up and knocking people around a little (verbally) and doing so while breaking the barriers with pride. When people stand up in their underwear, they feel shame and under dressed. This is standing in your underwear, hands on hips, straight backed, and telling people "Look into my EYES. Look beyond and really see."

This is who I am. I get a lot of grief over this. From everyone around me. Tact and diplomacy are two words I've heard ALL MY LIFE. People wanting nice. People wanting a spoonful of sugar. Where the hell they got the idea I'm Mary Poppins I have no fuckin' clue. They want to change what I say, how I say it, so no one feels bad. However, if you've gotten to the point that I feel I have to say it, then you deserve to feel bad. I haven't learned tact and diplomacy, I've learned silence. They see stand offish, aloof, superior. I'm just keeping my mouth shut. I'm not out to offend the whole world. Most people's problems aren't worth remarking upon. I'm content to leave others their perceptions and delusions up to a point. Then when they drop a piece of massive stupidity or cross the line between opinions and being a jackass, then I feel obligated to step up and call them out. I do not put up with racism, intolerance, forcing opinions on others. If someone doesn't call them out, then this type of behavior persists and spreads. I am the one who stands in front of the mob with pitchforks and burning torches and says "ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME???? What has he ever done to YOU????" You see that person on tv, in some movie and think "Way to go! Someone with some decency and sense." You talk to me and what I hear is "She's so mean. What an asshole." All I can think is you didn't see yourself as part of the mob until I said something. I guess I made you feel bad, get over it.

So, the new layout, there it is. Hands lightly on hips, standing at a cocky angle, relaxed, proud, in her underwear. Covered enough for society's standards, but in her underwear. Not her bathing suit, her underwear. Yeah, I know her hands are positioned as if she's going to drop the panties, but look closer. Are you sure? Are you sure she's not standing there saying, thumbs hooked on the edge of panties as if hooked over a pair of Levi's, saying "Yes, I'm in my underwear, and you are all hiding your mouths behind your hands, and I don't even notice. I'm too busy, too busy yanking down your stupid boundaries, your stupid misperceptions, preconceived notions, your ignorant prejudices. I am already in my underwear and I'm proud. What happens when I yank all your clothes away?"

OMFG--I did it AGAIN

I went off and got myself pregnant AGAIN. TOTAL surprise. I suppose it could be a false positive (actually 2 false positives) , so I have a doctor's appointment July 23 (soonest they'd get me in) and maybe we'll see. However, I don't hold out much hope and I'm sure number 5 will be arriving sometime in late February, early March. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. I'd do a poll, but I'm afraid to see the results (laugh or cry). For the moment, I just put it out of my head and go on with my day with a few minor changes (no alcohol, no unnnecessary meds..not that I have unnecessary meds, but I mean, if it's a small headache I just go take a nap..Hey, I'm sleeping for two here!) Anyhow, point is, I'm tired, I'm fuckin' starving to DEATH, and running after the other children...kind of...more like jogging very slowly, perhaps a fast walk with a break for a nap or a huge plate of nachos.

Therefore, posting is growing even more erratic. Go read those over on my list there. Watcher's got up some good stuff and so does Sophisticat and Did We Say That Out Loud (Lucy and Ethel, I love you) are writing up a storm with some really good stuff. And as always, Junk Food Science is a MUST read immediately. Will be adding more blogs to that list soon I imagine as well....ah shit...it's naptime again.

Letter from a former student asshole

This is totally Sophisticat's fault. He linked, I read, I love it..however, some things I'd like to address...this might take a while:

To my college professor's:

My first English 2 class:

1. "In your attempt to be witty you failed utterly". Well, in your attempt to read my mind, you failed utterly. I was not attempting to be witty in the slightest. I was not thinking "clever" that day. I was thinking: a. Gotta write this English paper b. gotta dump our laundry in the bathtub and do the twist (hehe, no washer and dryer, no car, hey, you work with what you got) c. I have to walk to the nearest store, 3 miles away with a 1 year old to get her milk. JUST milk, and will I have time to go ahead and do a LITTLE shopping just to save myself some effort? d. How to do my computer homework with no computer and, possibly, no electricity e. Do you really, really think you did your best work on this book? I mean, I understand why you didn't entitle it Ode to My Ego, but it really would have saved us both some time and intense frustration. Or at least be prepared for my critique of your various misspellings, inaccurate "facts" (which was being polite), and complete disregard for the language that, not only we all have agreed on, but is also the SUBJECT YOU TEACH.

2. I didn't transfer out of your class and retake it the next semester because you gave me a bad grade. I transferred out because YOU CAN'T TEACH. My other instructor was much better. I know you are contemptuous of him because he's a hippie, however, he's a hippie that can TEACH and I'm glad I dropped your class for his. I actually learned something. Even if I did feel my grades were less than desirable. *sniffles*

To my computer instructor:

You are a doormat, but the sweetest doormat in creation. In the 4 years of attending a variety of your classes, I learned nothing. That's not your fault. I am a failed genius with no social skills. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I missed pretty much EVERY class. I think I proved with my work being turned in and the tests results that I knew the material. Did you know I could test out of those classes? I didn't. I was completely unprepared for college due to my own faults and the faults of public education. YOU are the only reason I made it through college at all with my amazing amount of issues. Yes, even in the classes that you weren't teaching. Thank you for the sheer amount of office hours you devoted to meeting me on the phone at my neighbor's house because I couldn't trudge the 6 miles to the college that day with a toddler in a stroller due to rain, intense heat, or later, due to the being so doped up on vicoden I don't even remember the last 2 years of college. I hope you felt vindicated when I underwent 2 surgeries. I always wanted you to know I wasn't just another BS'ing student, just one trying so hard to get through college. I hope I didn't cause you any frustration, but I'm sure I did and I'm heartily sorry.

To public school teachers:

1. To my high school English teacher (yes, for 3 years I had the same one), I'm still very sorry I said that your morning perkiness made me want to pick you up and shake you like the bell you were shaped. You were a good teacher and I was a shitty person. I still am a shitty person, but not nearly so much, thanks to you. Just because the biggest portion of my teachers up until then had been so stupid I'm surprised they could muster the effort to drool gave me no right to take it out on you.

2. To the first of my 9th grade English teachers: I am not sorry I wrote "Mrs. Smith is a bitch" in lipstick on the bathroom mirrors (yes, all of them). I am only sorry that a. I was too principled to do it anonymously b. that there wasn't enough room to write the reasons why you were such a tremendous cunt and c. That I felt it necessary to do it by graffiti instead of newspaper and causing the school janitor a obscene amount of work. I do not know why you felt it necessary to side with the "cool" kids in the daily harassment and abuse of myself and the exchange student. Your active participation begged for some kind of response, and unfortunately I was powerless to do more than what I did do. I'm not sorry I was so much smarter than you, I'm only sorry you were too intent on being the "smartest" than to appreciate the challenge that lay before you. I did not excel in the gifted English class they later placed because my teacher was "easygoing"...I succeeded because he was a wonderful teacher excited about what he taught. His excitement was catching. Estrella shouldn't have been degraded and abused for not knowing the language perfectly. There were Mexicans that grew up in our country in that class that didn't have the handle on the language she did. I tried to get her out of that class..but again, I was powerless. Which brings me to:

2. Mr Green...(yes, that's his real name). I am not sorry that while trying to figure out where to put me for my in school suspension for the above behavior that I told you that you were "a fucking drooling idiot who wouldn't know his asshole from a hole in the ground" and "a mean spirited dick head looking for a reason to shit in someone's hat". I am not sorry you decided on a complete suspension. I am sorry I took it the superintendent, not because she did such a good job of addressing most of my problems with yourself and the English teacher, but because she made you move on to another school. Why you chose to follow me and harass me at my next school is beyond my comprehension. Luckily that school quickly realized you were a drooling idiot as well. I am sure you were very dismayed when, in spite of your slander and harassment, I flourished under the tutelage of my Spanish teacher. I am also sure that you were highly pleased when you called my mother and made her come up to the school because I had "ripped the entire office to shreds and thrown an extremely large book at you and you were contemplating involving the police". My mother is NOT sorry she came up there, glanced around the office in which I sat utterly clueless, noted the perfect organization and calmness in the office, and proceeded to inform you that I was correct, you ARE a drooling idiot and a prick to boot. Why you thought my mother would side with you I have no idea. While the woman did not graduate high school, she was surely no idiot. Also, she was fully aware that if I decided to get in trouble I would not half ass it so badly that you would have the office completely organized and calm in the 15 minutes it took her to drive up there. I am aware that you were probably devastated to find that all adults did not share in the sheer stupidity you yourself flaunted so proudly. I am also not sorry for the multiple times I loudly informed you that looking at the legs of teenagers and up their short skirts was extremely inappropriate. I am very sorry I was not aware that this is one of the signs of a pedophile looking for a place to happen. If I had been, I may have found evidence that you had acted on your feelings and had you arrested, thus removing any ability to harass, and possibly sexually abuse, these kids in the future. I am also not the least bit sorry that drawing so much attention to your behavior that it did at least get you removed from my school. It wasn't my accusations that done you in, it was getting caught while being watched BECAUSE of my accusations.

To all those I wrong who should have been wronged: I'm not sorry, I never will be. You just happened to have a student that didn't give a shit. You made sure I didn't trust another teacher, even the good ones. So I had nothing to lose by proclaiming your faults as loud and offensively as I could. Most of you, admittedly with my help, had already made sure my record showed me as anti-authoritarian and anti-social as possible. While I will take full responsibility for choosing to live up to these characterizations, you are the ones who made sure my reputation proceeded me.

To all those I wronged and didn't deserve it: I'm sorry. I take the majority of the responsibility for my behavior. While those above may have done their part to make sure I viewed you all as shitty and incompetent as them, I am the one who chose the behavior I exhibited.

My problems started in the third grade because a teacher took an extreme disliking to me and decided I deserved to be punished, often, corporally. I always saw school as a great place up until then. It was the greatest place. I could read and learn all I wanted to and I escaped being home where I was beaten. When the beatings started at school, you betrayed me. I was nice once. It was downhill from there. I know that's where the rock started down the hill. I was a good student and never missed a day, and that turned the other kids against me. I was a genius in my element. I didn't like being picked on by anyone and well, I chose the route of an asshole. I chose to half ass most of school, I was encouraged in this half assed behavior by all but 2 of my teachers, and the sum made the student you saw before you.

So I read RYS and find myself nodding, and sometimes feeling a bit ashamed of myself.

And maybe tomorrow I'll go into the horridness of public schools today and myself on the parent end of it.

Deafness

We may have two posts today, I have a rant going but well, I think I just lost another chunk of my hearing and well, I gotta "think out loud" so to speak.

I'm going deaf. I haven't been to an audiologist, though it's in the works finally. But I've steadily lost hearing for about 5 years now. I had some serious ear infections, led to a vicoden problem and 2 surgeries. One to put tubes in, another to remove scar tissue and replace a tube in my right ear. I lose more hearing from my right ear than my left, though the left is going too. I say lost a chunk of my hearing because while my hearing does decline fairly steadily, there have been 2 times, this will make 3, where I noticed a severe and sudden loss of hearing. I know it's permanent because, well, the "chunk" never returned. The tube in my left ear has been gone for about 2 years now, at least...the right ear tube is still there. I'm not sure if this chunk is permanent or not, right now my ear is draining like a sieve (that's good though), so it could be a result of fluid trying to get out.

I'm losing my hearing in a fairly common way: failure to differentiate between sounds. Increasingly it is harder it sift out sounds. Used to I could sift out all sounds and listen solely for my children crying. Convenient when you have them all screaming through the house and playing. I could easily differentiate, subconsciously, if that was a pain cry or a play cry or if it was just fighting amongst themselves. Now I do good to hear them crying at all from the next room. Watching tv? Very carefully. I have to be able to hear the baby and the toddler and hear the tv. I can't hear the tv unless it's at full volume...makes it extremely difficult. Thank goodness for live tv you can pause or I'd never be able to watch a full show the few times I bother to.

My hearing loss very much upsets my husband. It doesn't upset me too much really. I mean, out of all the senses to lose, I'm of the opinion that hearing is the best for me. I will miss music and hearing my children's voices and the ease of just speaking to someone rather than signing (a skill we will be learning this summer as a family), but am I upset about it? Nah. I'd rather see, and move, and feel, and smell...things could be MUCH worse. And hey, if it's reversible..well, signing is a good ability to have regardless.

Being deaf will not be the end of my life. It might be the close of some parts of it..but all in all, as long as I can SEE the world...I don't mind not hearing it...in some cases, that might even be a good thing. LOL

But I will miss the music...

Daughter Update

Ethel's comment reminded me I should post an update. We have a plan now.

1. Don't try to go through the school unless they are extremely willing to bend over backwards. If you are in Texas, don't bother. Texas has a minimum requirement for children that are gifted, especially in the 10-13 age group, that is absolutely useless. You're better off on your own.

2. Children over the age of 10 cannot have a proper IQ test done. It's useless for them. They'll max out the test even if they are only slightly gifted. Duke University hasa talent search every year. They help you get your child in to take the SAT. While many of us think SAT and get scared, this is a better measurement of your childs abilities. What they cannot answer tells them as much as what they can. I'll be signing H up for that when it comes around. The score is not a permanent part of their record at this age, unless you call up afterward and specifically request it. However, why? I mean, if your kid can pass it at 12, then it won't be a problem later.

3. If you DO live in Texas, here's a link that finally helped me tremendously: http://www.txgifted.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=36 (Texas Association for Gifted and Talented Advocacy. If you don't live in Texas, here is a link that will help you find your state group if you have one: http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=609&gbs
And here's a wonderful site just full of resources: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/identification.htm

4. Don't, under any circumstances, go beat the living shit out of the school that does not possibly understand what your child needs no matter how much you try to explain it to them. This is really not meant to sound conceited, but they will never understand. Ever. Having a gifted child, no matter how gifted (little or profound) is a whole new entity. The school cannot leave the labeling of children behind, and you are just going to get a headache or go to jail. I know, you'd think noone, especially a school principal or counselor, could possibly be that stupid as to not realize children are all individuals with different needs. Yes, they are, that stupid I mean.



Later, I will set up a special links section with all the wonderful places I'm finding. I tell you, the minute you stop dealing with the school is the minute doors open. If they are being less than friendly, find one of these state advocacy groups, they will tell you waht your state is responsible for helping. Then take that, and MAKE the school help, if you can. If you live in Texas, I'm sorry, our options are extremely limited.

Ethel, I'll never come to New York, too damn cold up there and I can't smoke LOL

My daughter has a problem

My oldest girl is a genius...I'm pretty certain she's a genius, I do know her Iowa tests came back showing she could easily work at an 8th grade level (she's in 5th) and in some subjects work at a much higher level...try college. Ok, so I'm kind of bragging too. But it causes problems.

I understand these problems, I AM a genius. Let's pay attention for just a minute, I AM, a tested genius. I, however, am a definite ditz, that requires no testing. My IQ is high, but I forget everything and am more likely to find my glasses in the freezer and supper on my desk than the other way around. i don't know why, but this has happened. And I spent HOURS looking for my glasses, apparently the meat on the desk seemed perfectly normal. Well, up until I looked on my desk later and said "Why is there raw meat thawing out on my desk?" The point is, my IQ tests out at genius, I'm a fucking nitwit a good portion of the time. IQ is just a number, if you do nothing with it. It means less than the ant that you stepped on when you were mowing. The point is I AM a genius technically speaking, and why, do you ask, am I not some well known scientist or some such? Well, I lay that at the feet of several. The educational system is not cut out for geniuses. Your choices are homeschooling and skipping grades and remaining in your own grade. None were presented as options for me. The schools I attended otherwise had no idea WHAT to do with me. I spent a lot of time in trouble. My family had no idea what to do with me. I was obviously highly intelligent, but I was a troublemaker. And I had no idea what to do with me. School was miserable, mom couldn't homeschool, and ONCE they offered for me to skip a grade, 2nd. I cannot, and do not, fault my mother for saying no. I'm not sure if I agree or not, but I completely understand her objections and she was only trying to do what's best for me. My life in school was misery, I pissed off the kids, they didn't "get" me. I pissed off the teachers, they thought I was a smart ass. I pissed off the principal, I BECAME a smart ass. I distanced myself from my peers, and eventually became what you see now. A highly intelligent person, staying home to take care of the children, who cannot deal with the world at all and can't find her glasses in the freezer (I don't wear glasses anymore, but that's beside the point).

And now, here comes my oldest girl, trying to follow in my footsteps. She has the exact same problems, and I have a new set of problems. I have homeschooled, I loved it. H is in school because she wanted to be. Right off they moved her to the gifted classes...she's still having problems. Not as many, but still the same problems. To say the school is ill-equipped to deal with her is the understatement of the century. The principal's suggestion? Dumb her down so she can make friends. Ok, that's not exactly what he said. What he said is to encourage her to at least fake an interest in clothes and hair to make friends. So I talk to her and she doesn't WANT to. And why the fuck should I make her more miserable? She has 2 friends, she's happy with those two. All she wants from the other kids is to leave her the hell alone. My husband and I have discussed homeschooling again. I'm a huge advocate in homeschooling, but in this case I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Her interaction with other children has IMPROVED since she's been in school. Maybe not by 100%, but even the teacher has noticed that since she was moved into the gifted classes, she does have it easier. To me that suggests she just needs more people who understand her, of her age, or around it. I've checked, there are no progressive type schools in the area. There is a Montessori school here, but in the state of Texas, homeschool is considered private school. You don't have to have a degree to homeschool. At the moment I'm all for taking a look at the place and getting some credentials myself. My husband says "for allw e know a janitor can be teaching those classes". Well as far as I'M concerned, if they are learning how to clean, a janitor is the best person for those classes. I don't know, his point has merit. I do not disagree that we shouldn't care about WHO is teaching the classes, however, I do not agree with his action of just blowing the whole thing off completely without looking into it. Skipping grades, not an option. It would do more harm than good. You cannot take ANY child out of a child setting and then just throw them into a teenage setting. I don't give a damn how smart they are. H is way too sensitive for the type of abuse she would have to undergo.

Quite frankly, I think the best thing is to get her tested. While IQ may not be the end all and be all, it IS an indication of which extreme you are working under. If she is only mildly higher than her classmates, skipping A grade will not hurt her. If she is as highly intelligent as the principal seems to suggest, then the Texas school system has NOTHING to offer her at all, except boredom and misery. But damn the testing is so expensive. And it's not a matter of I won't be able to pay for some luxury item, it's a matter of we're going to have to get get considerably behind on the bills to get this kind of testing done. Something I don't see as benefitting her either. No child left behind huh? Seems my child will be left way behind of her own capabilities. I suppose I could join some group of parents of gifted kids, but most of them require testing to prove the child is gifted. So even they don't really want to help with these kids. The first step is to identify them. Not leave them languishing away in some school getting in trouble constantly. And I'm not talking about getting sent to the principal trouble. I was suspended several times.

Well, I'm just friggin clueless. I'm looking it up, but it's a great big circle jerk. Not to mention not being sure of where to look. Can't get help without the testing, can't get testing without help...Do the words "fuck you" come to mind...indeed they do....

more stuffage

Getting closer and closer...not sure if it will be much longer until the baby is born. Signs are showing it's imminent. In the meantime I've been preparing for the arrival of Junior here.

The guys showed up to fix the house for 2 days. Ripped 2 ceilings down, put up the replacements, then left. They still have to paint and put my ceiling fan back up, but I haven't seen them for a week, so I guess they will get around to it *sighs*. If it's AFTER the baby is born I have to say NO, can't have the new baby breathing shit in like that. I'm half tempted to call the landlord and tell him that, but due to my lack of diplomacy, Steve doesn't want me to do that. *whistles innocently*

M seems to have done something with my Sims 2 game. I guess she thought she was helping one day while cleaning and tossed it for me. So I guess I'll have to buy a new Sims 2 game. Sure would like to pick that up today, may do that. Steve is home sick. Poor guy feels like hell. But it's about a week late. He ALWAYS gets sick this time of year. Hell, it's the ONLY time of year he gets sick. I hope he'll feel a bit better in a bit and can tell me what exactly is wrong so I know what kind of medicine to buy. Until then it's best to let him sleep. No fever though, just sore throat as far as I know. Like I said, will have to wait until he's awake to find out all that's wrong. Ok, breakfast time. Later.

Stuffage

Ah, what's going on the last couple of days...went to a regular doctor's appt and all is well. Went again to a second for glucose testing, I'm assuming if all is not well they will call me. I am a bit annoyed tho...

Does NO doctor actually finish his job?? I have an awesome doctor, I really like him alot and I'm very comfortable with him. However, what is wrong with these doctors? I'm delivering a baby. I go to all the effort to find a good doctor that I am comfortable with and feel I can trust to get me and my baby through this safely...but if he's not on call or it's not during the week, well, he's not delivering. WTF? Why go to the effort at all to find a doctor? Why not just have all the doctors line up like an assembly line and you just go to the first available. I asked the nurse about this and she says "Do you really think he'd let someone do it who's incompetent?" Well, it's a matter of trust. I chose my doctor for his age, he's an old man. The reason being is that older doctors are much less likely to be the ones passing out pills for every little ill, usually take a common sense approach to medicine, and tell you what you NEED to hear instead of what you want to hear. Now, one of his associates is a doctor I tried to go to at the beginning of my pregnancy and she was such a bitch I left in the middle of the appt. She's a very competent doctor, but she's got a serious attitude problem. Now, not knowing her personally, who's to say that she isn't someone who would do something spiteful? Or unnecessary? Not to mention, who the fuck wants a cunt (yeah yeah, I hear you, hahaha) at their delivery? She delivered my last baby (again, MY doctor wasn't available), and when I tore (yeah, TORE) she said, that's your fault, you shouldn't have stopped pushing. Hello? You can only push so much before you have to get a breath and try again. If you could just continually push, then no woman would ever tear. Ah, phone, might finish this bitch fest later.

Long absence

The problem with starting something like this is that you have good intentions, however, you just get so busy you forget. And yeah, I'd definitely say I've been busy. In 2 months we will be having our baby boy. Where have I been for the last year? Mostly gestating. And dividing my time horribly between trying to keep up with today's news, online gaming, and just generally getting on my husband's nerves. I've had rants and rants galore, just no time to get them down. And with a 2 year old AND a new baby, I'm worried I still won't have time. But possibly, just maybe, I will. I could use the outflow here, might make less stress on me in my daily life and the husband would LOVE that. Then again, so would I. Feel free to leave your opinions, I won't promise they will stay there, but I can promise I'll give them the attention they deserve. Disagree with me, you stay. Make no sense, shout obsenities, be obnoxious, you go. Very easy...Have a good day...I'm sure we'll see one another later...