The True Dangers of Internet Porn

Wow. I'm not a big porn fan (hehe, I said big). While I'm a fairly lenient parent in letting my children view sex on tv provided it's in a context that they observe natural behavior in life, I do not subject my children to blatant sex for sex/entertianment's sake. We do not watch shows when there is no rational reason to throw a graphic sex scene in the middle other than to pull in the male viewer or titti-late. ;) While the Matrix 3 was not bad, I to this day do not see the purpose of tossing in Neo and Trinity's sex scene throughout the tribal scene. I do get the sexuality in the tribal dancing. One seemed sex for sex sake, the other was making a point of the culture. I can't explain it too well, but I get it.

So understand, I have a healthy view of sexuality in that I understand it's a fact of life and I'm no frigid virgin scared of a little willie (I know, I gotta stop that). I refuse to raise my children with that view myself. Now, going a bit further, if you're new to this blog, I'm a HUGE fan of personal responsibility. I tend to put a lot of people's behavior on their own shoulders. One should act, not react. If you choose to be reactionary, then you are choosing to give up responsibility of your behavior to your emotions.

Knowing all this, you can probably understand a few of the problems I may have with the above website. (Yes, I'm well aware it's selling a product, however, if you think this is the first time I've seen Vagina Madness, you're blind) If you click on the title you get taken to the Reefer Madness of Porn. I say this because this:

The price our young people pay is more often than not, addiction. The sexual images our teens view release chemicals in the brain (endorphins), our body eventually craves these feel good chemicals like alcohol or drugs--- serious problem though, the alcoholic can avoid the bars and situations… how do you avoid the images that pop into your head when you’re trying to study? When you see a new face at a party? You don’t, that’s why Internet Porn has been compared to crack cocaine– but worse!


sounds suspiciously like this:

At the heart of the campaign are two studies on the neurochemical effects of THC, marijuana's effective ingredient, published recently in Science magazine. The putative results: Marijuana is not only a "gateway" drug to heroin, but addictive in its own right. Just like alcohol and cocaine, marijuana is capable of "hijacking the brain's so-called reward system," Science reported, and priming it for future addiction.

Really? Seeing a penis is a "gateway" drug to donkey shows? Please say your fucking with me..please?

Internet porn is not a romance novel. It is not a sex education for beginners. In its simplest form it teaches a complete lack of intimacy—using another human being to masturbate oneself, and most often degrading the other.

Wow, and who would imagine that after thousands of years of some version of porn (do you really think there were no voyeurs in Ancient Rome? wrong) that the sudden slight convenience of internet porn verses mailed/cornerstore porn is going to ruin the view of intimacy, ESPECIALLY if the parents display a healthy view of intimacy? Now I'm not trying to be an ass, but if your kid is that stupid, the problem isn't porn. We have survived the advances of porn for thousands of years and, because of the internet, we are suddenly brainless monkies?

When viewing porn on the internet starts becoming an addiction, the viewer becomes obsessed with making/stealing time for this activity. He/she will turn down healthy invitations to social activities, preferring time with the computer, will find excuses to be home alone or locked in their room, etc.

Because no young boy discovers masturbation unless someone points it out to them, and they'd hardly disappear to the bathroom when they did find it. C'mon guys, admit it, for the first little while you did it a lot. I'm not giving you shit, but be honest.

Don Juan, move over—there is a new role model for young good looking guys—the predator! There is a generation of young men who think that sex is a game. They are the hunter and any girl is the hunted, the concept of relationship does not even cross their mind. They emulate the role models they see on porn sites, and strive to be like them.

And where the hell are you dad? While it's apparent that every generation would far prefer to lay the blame on something else, let's get down to brass tacks: Your fault. Now, it could be because we as parents do not get a handbook. We're flying by the seat of our pants here. However, at least admit you've made mistakes. We all have, nothing to be ashamed of. It could also be the example set by dear old dad. Dear old dad who divorced mom after 20 years because that hot thing on his arm is younger and prettier. Don't worry dad, mom does it too. You and your friends teach these boys where to get their ideas. Predators are glamorized as "playas" on tv yeah, but where the hell were you, from when he was a little boy? You obviously weren't teaching him proper respect for a woman. And the worse you treat women, well, the more he gets the idea that they aren't meant to be treated respectfully. Studies still show that the biggest influence on a child is his or her parents. So guess who's falling down on the job? The buck stops here, you are the weakest link, pick a phrase, but get it.

If you read "understanding your critical role" you see a ton of good ideas. I can't argue with any of these really. I suppose I could question just what exactly they mean by "protect" as it's constantly misused as "don't even let them know it exists", but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

I can't argue with "things you should know". Those ARE things you should know...if you're doing your job.

In the "6 Signs Your Kid Could Be At Risk" I have a problem with. At risk of what? A disturbing scene? Have you seen the NON-porn things these kids have sent to each other? What exactly is the risk here? Getting an idea? Knowing young men, they probably have already heard it from a friend and decided to accept/discard it. I'm really not sure what the risk is.

1. The family computer is conveniently placed in the basement, attic, back room
2. Your child has a computer with internet access in their room
3. Your child has their own laptop with internet access
4. You have not set parental controls on the computers that your children have access to
5. You never check the history on you’re computers browser
6. Your teen creates/finds situations to be home alone and on the computer

In other words, shadow your child constantly. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of supervision, but you have to learn at some point to start trusting your kid a little. If nothing else (especially if you're one of those constantly harping on what the "right" way to raise a child is), trust the method you used. Just as those who seek to be enlightened must maintain a state of unconscious wakefulness, you must maintain a state of watchful trust, tailored to your child. Some children need more watching than others, but they all need to feel that you believe in them to make the right decisions. By setting parental controls and checking their history and not leaving them alone, you show that you don't believe they can handle responsibility. This being the same little brat you bought a 2 ton metal machine that goes in excess of 100 mph. Wow, schizo much? You'll trust him to not run over someone and speed around (though it's been proven that damn near every teenage boy does) and yet can't trust him to not go into a sexual frenzy over the site of a vagina? Please be aware, this says a lot more about you than it does him.

The younger your children are when you start your action plan the less resistance you will meet; the following are the basic House Rules for all ages at all times.

Wow, David Koresh's guide to brainwashing: the sooner you can get them under your thumb, the sooner you can laze back and let the threat manage things. I'm not saying don't teach them young, but this phrase suggests making them malleable to better able to control them. Just remember, when you have made them so and are in control, you've left the back door open to everyone else that would like them malleable and controllable. Also, a sign that you're too lazy to BE a parent. As long as you maintain control over them, you don't have to actually teach them a thing, huh? What gets me is you treat them like little children as long as possible and then SEND them off to college. When the dean calls for the 8th time about Johnny's alcohol stash and Jenny's been busted blowing the football team again, you're surprised! Really? And it's all porn's fault, not yours for treating them like they're 5 until the day they moved out. You gave a 6 year old a credit card and now you're pissed because he spent 10k on toys.

Look, I see what it is. You're lazy. It only takes a village to raise a child when mom and dad don't want to do it. You have relegated the responsibility of your child to everyone else. The schools teach them sex, political views, acceptable behavior. The church teaches them values. The internet, the tv, the books must all be modified to suit what you want them to learn. What the hell do you do? Not a fuckin' thing. What gets me is you are the same lazy asses who get mad at what the schools teach them. "I don't want my kid learning that liberal bullshit/redneck religion". Well, they gotta teach them SOMETHING, you're damn sure not doing it. Don't bitch if you don't like it. You bitch, and yet you STILL don't take responsibility. You don't change it, you expect everyone else to change.

The buck stops here. We are the ones who CHOSE the responsibility of OUR children. I don't want to raise your kids. Chances are, I don't LIKE your kids. I may feel that some of the "child free" are some stuck up bastards but there's one thing they have right: They didn't choose to have children, YOU raise them. I didn't choose to have more children so what the hell makes you think I want responsibility for yours? If you want a village raising your kids, put them in a state home. Look how well that whole village thing is going for THOSE kids.

Filling a hole

Now I want you to follow me here. This is NOT a religious thing. If you pay attention, you'll get it. If you don't pay attention, well, don't expect me to be surprised.

One of the things that drives me absolutely batshit in this world is desperation. Not the feeling, that doesn't get me. It's the things people do that drives me nuts. A woman's husband dies. They've been married for 40 or so years. We're talking committed. In the wake of her husband's death, while desperately grasping for something to fill the hole his loss has left in her life, she's become a fundie christian. (Stay with me) She's turned her back on her entire life in order to find a meaning. Now, this wouldn't bug me, aren't we all looking for some sort of meaning? That our time on earth isn't worthless. That we will leave a mark that says "I was here and I did something".

We all do this and it's ok. It's human. But in the wake of a loss of any kind, one must expect that desperately clawing for any meaning is no better than having no meaning. You commit your life to some ephermeral that, within a few years, you realize really means nothing to you. In return for this desperate race to fill that hole, you have burned bridges that you may never get back.

I say this isn't religious because in THIS case, she turned to religion. I've seen cases though where people have undergone complete personality changes to devote themselves to charity, a friendship, children. You say, how can that be bad? Well, 1. You get to this point when, most of the time, you realize that this isn't YOU. This isn't who you are. 2. You're trying to replace something that can't be replaced. The funny thing is that anyone with a modicum of intelligence (I know I just greatly shortened that list) will tell you that it's not healthy to replace someone. Yet no one bats an eye when you replace someone with god or charity or some socially approved behavior. Really, it's no different.

I hear all the things. Maybe this is what she needed to get through. If this gets her to sleep at night, leave her alone. I'm not interested in how much sleep she gets. I'm interested in her working through what she feels to make decisions for her life that won't hurt her later. When you come back from any type of rehab, they say to make no big decisions for a year or so. Do you know why? So you don't try to replace the drugs/alcohol/etc with a dependance on another person or with a new type of addiction. Why would any such thing be different if you lost a spouse? Why would you make a sudden decision that the religion you've mocked all your life is something you should jump into? That the charity you've turned your nose up at is suddenly worthy of your time? Why is it no one points out the painfully obvious? No matter what you fill that hole with, it will never take the place of the loss. Don't change your life significantly until you are no longer grieving. Don't run to religion, sports, people, charity. Socially approved behavior or not, that does not make it more healthy behavior. Yet I'm the asshole for pointing that out.

If you cared you wouldn't accept her "conversion" to god, but recognize it for what it is: A lost, lonely woman clutching desperately for something to give her life meaning in the wake of losing a, if not THE, central part of her life. Let her grieve, help her, be the rational one at a time that she needs someone else to be rational.