Where are all these 5 year olds getting the money?

Boy, what is this, a race to see if I kill myself or you over the stupidity of the majority of the human race?

Yeah yeah, I'm here, having a baby and a surgery keeps you plenty busy I tell you. So anyhow, I have a question...where the fuck are all these kids getting the money and for the record how the hell are they sneaking out and grabbing up some mcnuggets? I'm not going to quote it here, there's the link, now RTFA.

We have two conclusions to draw here, one or both of which must be correct:

1. The children have all the money. The 5 year olds are deciding how to spend the paycheck (no wonder the world's finances are all kinds of fucked up)

2. Parents are too (stupid/retarded/weak/lazy/stupid..oh, I said that) to say NO to their children.

Wait, wait, there's a 3rd...out of the 15 billion people in the world there's 10,000 who overfeed their children for whatever reason (as a indication of love, cuz they don't care, whatever).

Guess what, if your kid looks like Violet from Willy Wonka after she eats the berry, in 98% of the cases one of these is you. There is one thing you can draw from all 3 of these conclusions: You're a fuckin' moron. Yes, Jalestra is back in full, non PC swing. Get the rope and burning torches.

1. If you let your children control your finances I can't help you. You're way too stupid to breathe, do me a favor and kill yourself.

2. If for whatever reason you have a problem telling little Jimmy no, you have two options: Learn to say NO, practice it, and then let little Jimmy have it (the NO you twit, not an uppercut) OR...kill yourself. You're doing your child no favors if your kissing his ass. In fact, you're just making another little punk for me to play trippee with in the grocery isle. While I enjoy the game, I would hope it would not be necessary since you'd be TEACHING your children instead of giving them everything they want and making my life even more miserable the few times I'm stupid enough to venture outside of my home.

3. Ok, some of you I feel sorry for, some of you should die. If you don't care about your kid, give him to me, I'd happily give him the kind of love and care any child deserves. Especially if it means keeping yet another little bastard from springing forth. I like kids...just not yours, especially after they grow up and try to rob me. For those replacing love with food, or feel that food is how you show your love, it's easy: Get a therapist, hug your kids, and try to learn how to relate to them. Pretend your a silly drunk and fingerpaint with them. The silly drunk act is great when interacting with children. If you've never been silly drunk, I'm sure you've seen it. (not to be mistaken for the crybaby drunk or the violent drunk).

In the meantime, remember, YOU are why you're kid is a fatass. Now this is not to disparage the overweight, I've been there, however, I knew who's fault is was (that would be MINE). And if you want to eat til they get a crane to take you to the hospital, that's your business not mine. Being overweight is NOT a dealbreaker for me. I've dated overweight men, I have overweight friends, I was once overweight myself. However, sometimes you have to be flat out rude to get people to look up from their 6th (by choice) Whopper and cut to the chase. If your kid is a fat ass, YOUR fault, leave MY food alone. Just because your too stupid to eat with some intelligence (no, not bean sprouts you twit, I eat Whoppers too, just not SIX of them), not my problem.

"We're all here to help one another." No, we aren't. We really aren't. Nobody knows what the fuck we're here for. Quite frankly, we are probably just here because we developed faster and stronger than the other animals. My body says if it's starving and your starving, I'm not splitting the fucking fish, it's MINE and if I'm big enough to kick your ass I get to keep it. Yes, sharing is the NICE thing to do, but as we'll eventually find out, when the food supply is low it's every man for himself. And whoever accused me of being nice? I'm not here to monitor your feeding habits or have you interfere with my life because you can't be a parent. I'm not here to help you parent. It does NOT take a village to raise a child. I've seen one person do it lots of times and everyone turned out fine. Everytime you get the village involved, poor kid is shot to hell because noone can agree if you should bust his ass or give him a cookie.

So, take the whopper and/or the money away from the child and leave me alone.