For the record, before I get off on my little bitchfest, I'm moving the blog to a personal page of my own where I can set up everything exactly as I want it....as soon as I have everything exactly as I want it. I will link it when I get it done.
I spoke with several members of my family yesterday and caught up on what's going on with them. Well, my gran wanted to know if I knew so and so and I said no. He ran for some small town office back when we lived there, but I never knew him personally. He ran for like mayor or judge or something. It was before we moved and I don't recall if he won or not (obviously not now that I think about it). Don't really care. And the town isn't big enough to actually use a website for the news (hell, they barely have a newspaper) so no linkage ftm. Hmm..might check Abilene news..one sec. Nah, guess not..maybe soon. Anyhow, so the fella was somehow implicated in child porn. His home was searched, and boy is he guilty. Pictures found (ones HE took, not downloaded ones), etc.
Apparently this man was left with a baby daughter to raise when he got divorced years ago (and who knows what he did with her and her friends *shudders*). And apparently this all came about when his daughter moved out and he was still picking up young girls and having them stay the night. HIs modus operandi seems to be buying the girls gifts, extending to even new cars. I think as a parent, I'd be a bit suspicious if my little girl brought back a vehicle one day and I didn't pay for it! Not to mention cell phones and lingerie....So apparently these rumors of his proclivities have been going around for YEARS. So, here's the questions:
I KNOW small town gossip, I lived in this town off and on for years as an adult and a child. This guy was a "upstanding figure", so you could be deaf and you heard people talking about him. Where the hell were the parents and what were they thinking? A man is picking up your young daughter (13-16 and there's the possibility of younger) to come stay the night at his house, gives her nice gifts, NOT SUSPICIOUS???? Ok ok, so you can't lock your child in a box, gotcha, I agree. However, someone starts buying gifts for my child and she's asking to stay over, I would definitely say the "safe than sorry" route would be paramount in my mind. Of course, I also don't believe the tv is a babysitter, so I'm a little wierd to start with I guess.
Why is it people think just because someone is "upstanding" means they can do no wrong? Especially considering the news today. Congressmen picked up for child porn, Jeffrey Dahmer, but yet Joe Blow who ran for county judge can't be any less than a swell guy because well, he did run for judge! And stop and think about this, you are not blowing off a guy who might come in and steal your tv. You are blowing off a man that can hurt your CHILD. Really people, is it worth the fucking chance???? Have you lost your everloving minds???? This isn't an adult or a tv, this is a CHILD. You know, young, naive, defenseless?? Are you getting a picture here? We're talking YEARS of therapy, possibly medication, unwanted pregnancies, their future in ruins, and the possibility that they become so messed up that they become sickos themselves. THIS is what you want for your child just so you can say "I know this guy"????
Now, I'm not one of those "everything for the children". Nope, can't stand it myself. I truly believe that when it comes to the things I do, I'm no longer a child and refuse to halt my behavior just because you want to raise your child in a vacuum. However, in those cases we are talking about cursing, watching violent television. We are NOT talking about the rape/molestation of a child.
He moved one girl in: So um, hey mom, what the fuck were you doing? What kind of mother lets her young daughter move in with a middle aged man and shower her with gifts?????
Maybe I'm getting a bit irate at the wrong thing. Having come from this town (and boy has this happened before there), I know some girls there are a lot less than innocent. However, isn't it our job as parents to watch out for these things and to keep them from happening to our children? Even if our children are a lot less than innocent, does that negate our responsibility to teach them that they are not prostitutes? Or to protect them from those that would take advantage of them? Has society succumbed to lazy parenting? YES, it has.
With the government running more and more of our households, taking decisions away from parents that used to be the parents decisions, we have encouraged parents to let society raise our children and not ourselves. Who knows our children better than we do? Who knows what our individual children need more than we do? Who knows what signs our children are showing more than we do? Damn sure not 100 guys across the country who's never met US, let alone our children!
Our job as parents is to protect our children and guide them to be good adults that are happy with themselves. By protection I do NOT mean "no tv except Disney" and "cover up that statue of David so little Annie doesn't see a penis". I mean that sometimes to protect you have to educate. And you CAN educate your child without scaring the living shit out of them or making them terrified of everyone who passes them. I've discussed sexual molestation since before my girls could understand what I'm talking about. Make it a regular occurence and stay within what they can understand. Even a 4 year old knows pain and shame. It's not too hard to say "If someone touches you somewhere that bothers you or makes you feel bad or hurt you, you come tell me". And don't leave it at that! These predators are masterful manipulators! They will say things to convince your child not to tell, and they are GOOD. You can use the feelings your child has to help them. You know almost all children believe that mommy and daddy are invincible and can save the world. USE THAT! "No matter what anyone says, you come tell me. Noone is big enough to kill me, especially if they have hurt you." "Don't ever let someone tell you that if you tell me something I won't love you anymore. I will always love you no matter what happens." And SHOW them...a child cannot believe in your love, have faith in your protection unless you show them that it's warranted. And for goodness sake, pay attention to your children. I know where my kids are at all times. I know how they react to stress, I know how they act when they've done something wrong, I know how they react when they feel they've been denied fairness or justice or have been unfairly punished. Don't stop mentioning just because now they are 13. Reinforce it! Now they are dealing with a whole new set of possibilities. Like the girls in the town, now they are getting to an age where they are learning they can get a man's attention (or a woman's, this doesn't sexually discriminate) and that sometimes you can get stuff out of a man. And at this point this is not just about rape/molestation, this is also about values and self respect. This is about the new things they will be told and tempted to give into or believe. Remember back to when you were a teenager and the goofy shit you fell for...your kid is no more immune than you are to fall for the goofy shit. And sometimes the goofy shit can hurt them (my mother once told me that there was a rash of bouncing girls when she was a teenager because some of the guys told the girls that if they jumped up and down after sex they wouldn't get pregnant, big surprise a bunch ended up pregnant huh?)
Ah, why bother? Red flags were thrown up about this guy for years and so many ignored them. The good parents are already paying attention and the rest never will...
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Simple People
Gravity kills, smoking kills, obesity kills, breathing kills. People actually believe this shit...People. Are. Idiots.
Let's go into how this all started: Yesterday my daughter asked a question about gravity. Actually, she asked about inertia, but she didn't know that when she asked. She ASKED about gravity and was corrected. Anyhow, that's really not the point. The point is the subject came up. Later she makes the statement "gravity kills". Naturally S and I want to know where this conclusion comes from. As far as we know, gravity has never killed anyone. So H explains how if you jump from a 10 story building you will die. Ok, I laughed. Not the demeaning "you're an idiot" laugh. Just the simplistic child view of things that is generally amusing. So I explain that no, gravity doesn't kill and neither does falling, it's the sudden stop at the end that gets you. At which point, with all of a child's logic (and from her end of things this is quite logical and technically I could suppose she is correct), that if there was no gravity then it wouldn't kill you.
And then it hit me. How many fuckin' adults have the logic of a 10 year old child and refuse to progress to something more advanced. My 10 year old actually now grasps why one would be wrong to say "gravity kills", however she has acclompished something that many, hell most, adults have yet to acclompish...reasonable thought is in her grasp. And I thought about it, and the fallacy in the statement, and yet how many otherwise intelligent people continue to make such idiotic statements AND DEFEND THEM! Even when normally they wouldn't!
Let's go here: "Smoking kills". Big anti tobacco thing, you just say smoking kills and watch the little idiots run in fear, screaming their heads off. However, if you say "breathing kills", these EXACT SAME PEOPLE will SCOFF at you for being so simplistically ridiculous. They will even give you the EXACT SAME ARGUEMENT that proves why "smoking kills" is such a ridiculous statement and yet if you point it out, these idiots have the unmitigated gall to actually say "well that's different". But it's not.
While technically the statement "gravity kills" is ultimately correct, it's a highly misleading statement. If gravity kills, then we'd all be dead if we jumped 4 cm off the ground. As I've yet to see a rash of jumping related deaths, I'm going to assume gravity works the same as usual. You jump from a 20 story building, no parachute, make it through the fall as usual, hit the ground and die. You jump froma 20 story building, parachute, make it through the fall, land lightly on the ground, live. So there are two several seperate factors here: parachute possession, impact with the ground, gravity, building size. Now, building size is the same, so that's not what makes you live. You don't die from the fall, so gravity is not the issue here. You have two things that changed; 1. You had a parachute in one, and not in the other 2. The impact with the ground was changed by the parachute. While being slightly more honest one could stop here and say lack of parachutes kill, but that's not really the case is it? I mean, that's a pretty broad statement. People go without parachutes all the time and they don't die. One could say height kills, but being up high didn't kill you either. In fact, both times all was actually going very well until you got to the impact part. There is the fundamental difference! One could stop there and say Impact kills, and you'd be a hell of a lot closer to correct than gravity kills is..however, there are various kinds of impact right? At what level is impact fatal? So you do 500 experiments with different heights etc until you can narrow it down, then you release a completely accurate statement: "Impact with hard objects are fatal from 20 miles an hour on up if you land on your head"Maybe you release 30 statements "Impact with hard objects with your legs are fatal at 30 miles and up" "Impact with hard objects from a height of 20 stories no matter what you land on are fatal" Whatever. But all are now accurate and thoroughly educating statements. So what we now know is that you can jump and play in gravity all day long and nothing will happen to you, but if you climb a large building and jump and impact with a hard surface at certain speeds, you will die. Obviously a statement of some significance or we'd lose the entire sport of basketball...In fact, if we had been raised on the simple statement of "gravity kills", we wouldn't have had basketball, jump ropes, and a good portion of follow the leader would be gone. All this is very logical. In fact, it's so naturally accepted we don't even quote studies anymore to prove that gravity does not kill, impact with the ground from certain heights or at certain speeds do. It's pretty much common sense that gravity does not kill.
So wtf is wrong with people that they accept these scare tactic statements that "obesity kills" or "smoking kills"? Hell, with the simplistic, childish arguements like this, I can prove with NO effort that breathing kills, because you wouldn't stop breathing if you weren't breathing to start with.
Let's go into how this all started: Yesterday my daughter asked a question about gravity. Actually, she asked about inertia, but she didn't know that when she asked. She ASKED about gravity and was corrected. Anyhow, that's really not the point. The point is the subject came up. Later she makes the statement "gravity kills". Naturally S and I want to know where this conclusion comes from. As far as we know, gravity has never killed anyone. So H explains how if you jump from a 10 story building you will die. Ok, I laughed. Not the demeaning "you're an idiot" laugh. Just the simplistic child view of things that is generally amusing. So I explain that no, gravity doesn't kill and neither does falling, it's the sudden stop at the end that gets you. At which point, with all of a child's logic (and from her end of things this is quite logical and technically I could suppose she is correct), that if there was no gravity then it wouldn't kill you.
And then it hit me. How many fuckin' adults have the logic of a 10 year old child and refuse to progress to something more advanced. My 10 year old actually now grasps why one would be wrong to say "gravity kills", however she has acclompished something that many, hell most, adults have yet to acclompish...reasonable thought is in her grasp. And I thought about it, and the fallacy in the statement, and yet how many otherwise intelligent people continue to make such idiotic statements AND DEFEND THEM! Even when normally they wouldn't!
Let's go here: "Smoking kills". Big anti tobacco thing, you just say smoking kills and watch the little idiots run in fear, screaming their heads off. However, if you say "breathing kills", these EXACT SAME PEOPLE will SCOFF at you for being so simplistically ridiculous. They will even give you the EXACT SAME ARGUEMENT that proves why "smoking kills" is such a ridiculous statement and yet if you point it out, these idiots have the unmitigated gall to actually say "well that's different". But it's not.
While technically the statement "gravity kills" is ultimately correct, it's a highly misleading statement. If gravity kills, then we'd all be dead if we jumped 4 cm off the ground. As I've yet to see a rash of jumping related deaths, I'm going to assume gravity works the same as usual. You jump from a 20 story building, no parachute, make it through the fall as usual, hit the ground and die. You jump froma 20 story building, parachute, make it through the fall, land lightly on the ground, live. So there are two several seperate factors here: parachute possession, impact with the ground, gravity, building size. Now, building size is the same, so that's not what makes you live. You don't die from the fall, so gravity is not the issue here. You have two things that changed; 1. You had a parachute in one, and not in the other 2. The impact with the ground was changed by the parachute. While being slightly more honest one could stop here and say lack of parachutes kill, but that's not really the case is it? I mean, that's a pretty broad statement. People go without parachutes all the time and they don't die. One could say height kills, but being up high didn't kill you either. In fact, both times all was actually going very well until you got to the impact part. There is the fundamental difference! One could stop there and say Impact kills, and you'd be a hell of a lot closer to correct than gravity kills is..however, there are various kinds of impact right? At what level is impact fatal? So you do 500 experiments with different heights etc until you can narrow it down, then you release a completely accurate statement: "Impact with hard objects are fatal from 20 miles an hour on up if you land on your head"Maybe you release 30 statements "Impact with hard objects with your legs are fatal at 30 miles and up" "Impact with hard objects from a height of 20 stories no matter what you land on are fatal" Whatever. But all are now accurate and thoroughly educating statements. So what we now know is that you can jump and play in gravity all day long and nothing will happen to you, but if you climb a large building and jump and impact with a hard surface at certain speeds, you will die. Obviously a statement of some significance or we'd lose the entire sport of basketball...In fact, if we had been raised on the simple statement of "gravity kills", we wouldn't have had basketball, jump ropes, and a good portion of follow the leader would be gone. All this is very logical. In fact, it's so naturally accepted we don't even quote studies anymore to prove that gravity does not kill, impact with the ground from certain heights or at certain speeds do. It's pretty much common sense that gravity does not kill.
So wtf is wrong with people that they accept these scare tactic statements that "obesity kills" or "smoking kills"? Hell, with the simplistic, childish arguements like this, I can prove with NO effort that breathing kills, because you wouldn't stop breathing if you weren't breathing to start with.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Personal Responsibility
It's funny how that phrase has altered so much in the last few years. It does not mean that one must act in the socially defined "responsible" way. It means that an individual be responsible for the choices they make.
Accepting personal responsibility includes:
Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.
The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.
Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions. (not btw, how MY actions influence you, but YOUR OWN actions and choices)
Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.
Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.
Not feeling sorry for the ``bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:
Chronically hostile, angry, or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.
Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
Over responsible in your need to rescue others in your life.
What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
I want you to fix me.
How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have. (Yeah, blame McDonald's and the smokers)
What terms are used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility?
martyrs. self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, BLAMERS, fearful, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, neurotic, obsessed
In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:
Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.
Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.
RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE THE SOLE DETERMINANT OF THE CHOICES YOU MAKE.
RECOGNIZE THAT YOU CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSES TO THE PEOPLE, ACTIONS, AND EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE.
Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.
Which shows you how the notion of "personal responsibility" gets easily twisted . Nowadays it means that each individual, even in his deepest, most intimate choices is actually responsible to Society at Large-- a fine Maoist concept-- or else to His Employer-- a fine Fascist concept. (Walt)
So for those unsure of what personal responsibility actually is, here is a definition of what personal responsibility means:
So for those unsure of what personal responsibility actually is, here is a definition of what personal responsibility means:
Accepting personal responsibility includes:
Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.
The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.
Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions. (not btw, how MY actions influence you, but YOUR OWN actions and choices)
Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.
Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.
Not feeling sorry for the ``bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:
Chronically hostile, angry, or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.
Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
Over responsible in your need to rescue others in your life.
What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
I want you to fix me.
How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have. (Yeah, blame McDonald's and the smokers)
What terms are used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility?
martyrs. self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, BLAMERS, fearful, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, neurotic, obsessed
In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:
Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.
Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.
RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE THE SOLE DETERMINANT OF THE CHOICES YOU MAKE.
RECOGNIZE THAT YOU CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSES TO THE PEOPLE, ACTIONS, AND EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE.
Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.
Monday, March 06, 2006
more stuffage
Getting closer and closer...not sure if it will be much longer until the baby is born. Signs are showing it's imminent. In the meantime I've been preparing for the arrival of Junior here.
The guys showed up to fix the house for 2 days. Ripped 2 ceilings down, put up the replacements, then left. They still have to paint and put my ceiling fan back up, but I haven't seen them for a week, so I guess they will get around to it *sighs*. If it's AFTER the baby is born I have to say NO, can't have the new baby breathing shit in like that. I'm half tempted to call the landlord and tell him that, but due to my lack of diplomacy, Steve doesn't want me to do that. *whistles innocently*
M seems to have done something with my Sims 2 game. I guess she thought she was helping one day while cleaning and tossed it for me. So I guess I'll have to buy a new Sims 2 game. Sure would like to pick that up today, may do that. Steve is home sick. Poor guy feels like hell. But it's about a week late. He ALWAYS gets sick this time of year. Hell, it's the ONLY time of year he gets sick. I hope he'll feel a bit better in a bit and can tell me what exactly is wrong so I know what kind of medicine to buy. Until then it's best to let him sleep. No fever though, just sore throat as far as I know. Like I said, will have to wait until he's awake to find out all that's wrong. Ok, breakfast time. Later.
The guys showed up to fix the house for 2 days. Ripped 2 ceilings down, put up the replacements, then left. They still have to paint and put my ceiling fan back up, but I haven't seen them for a week, so I guess they will get around to it *sighs*. If it's AFTER the baby is born I have to say NO, can't have the new baby breathing shit in like that. I'm half tempted to call the landlord and tell him that, but due to my lack of diplomacy, Steve doesn't want me to do that. *whistles innocently*
M seems to have done something with my Sims 2 game. I guess she thought she was helping one day while cleaning and tossed it for me. So I guess I'll have to buy a new Sims 2 game. Sure would like to pick that up today, may do that. Steve is home sick. Poor guy feels like hell. But it's about a week late. He ALWAYS gets sick this time of year. Hell, it's the ONLY time of year he gets sick. I hope he'll feel a bit better in a bit and can tell me what exactly is wrong so I know what kind of medicine to buy. Until then it's best to let him sleep. No fever though, just sore throat as far as I know. Like I said, will have to wait until he's awake to find out all that's wrong. Ok, breakfast time. Later.
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