Drunk salvation

So I go to Wal-Mart a few weeks ago....I hate Wal-mart, I really do. But I had to have tylenol for the baby and what else is open at midnight? So while I was there I grabbed up a few other things, gatorade, crackers, etc. I made sure to keep it below 20 and slid into the 20 items or less checkout, grateful one was still open.

Now on the through the parking lot I noticed a shit ton of cops. I mean, like they all had a meeting or something. The cashier is a woman I've spoken with frequently and jokingly I asked "What'd y'all do? Install a donut shop where the McDonald's use to be?" She asked "why?" and I commented on all the cops outside. Now, note I am actually the second in line, as she was currently checking out a six pack of Michelob. I didn't look at the person in front of me, except to note that a person was there. The folks in the 20 items or less are transient. I doubt life long bonds form from those meetings even occasionally. If we weren't in a hurry, we'd not be in the 20 items or less line...

However, this person declares "Y'know why thar thar?" Now, note I do speak redneck, as I grew up one, as you've all surely noticed my frequent use of "y'all" and "ain't". I turn my attention to see this man listing in front of me, eyes glazed, and see an opportunity for entertainment. Please folks, think twice..don't ignore my error...

"And why is that?" "Thar thar to make thar peace with God." Immediately, I stifled a moan and felt regret. I also pictured either a holy descension or a shoot out. Generally "making peace" suggests a last minute regret that spans the course of your life, where you realize you're about to die and realize that all those things you were going to make up for? Yeah, that time has passed.

I settled for an "Uh-huh" and scooted forward as it was my turn and he was done. He stepped back and said "Have you? Will you be duhlivered from Satan?" Yes, DUHlivered, I'm not making this shit up. In my defense, I was tired. "I don't believe in Satan". "Well you beeve in God right?" Yes, beeve..if you hadn't noticed, he was drunk. "If I don't believe in satan, one would find it hard to believe I'd buy God." "Young lady, you need to hear the word of God." At which point I realize, not only am I embarking upon a debate about god with a "christian", and not only am I doing so with a DRUNK "christian", but I'm fixing to be testified to and offered salavation from a drunk "christian" and it was my own damn fault. I looked desperately to see if she was done, and she must have saw a pleading look in my eye as she said "Hey, this is my job, it's not professional for me to discuss." Way to copout.....to give her credit though, she moved faster.

To forestall further conversation I hoped to surprise him into stupidity, "Have you read Darwin's theory on religious fanatisism and the irony inherent in the christian belief system?" Please also note, in order to stupify, they must be able to basically understand what you're saying, even if you are talking out of your ass. It only worked on the cashier. I paid her quickly and edged past the man with "I'm a Pagan". That worked. By the time he collected his wits I was to the metal thingy-ma-jig and by the time he made it that far I was in the crosswalk.

While the meeting itself may not normally be blog worthy, it brings to mind all kinds of things. It's like Jimmy Stewart duhlivering a sermon against adultery while in the throws of his own ejaculation with his prostitute. Really?

It's no shock to me that many christians frequently sin while telling you YOU are the one going to hell. However, it's rare to encounter who actually does it WHILE in the act of sinning. Not to mention with NO consideration of others. Really? You're going to give me shit about not believing in god and I know you're drunk and fixing to drive home. (Yes, I DID stop the security and tell them if they didn't want sued perhaps it was a good idea to go do something about the drunk standing in the middle of the parking lot looking for me..I don't need god to make me do something responsible). Not to mention, is god really worried about MY salvation? I mean, you may be 10 minutes away from killing yourself or others....I would hope he has at least ONE thing bigger than me on his mind. Like the fact that maybe you are fixing to commit murder and/or suicide. And don't give me that shit about god's mind being infinite and being able to encompass many concerns. If you want to go there, perhaps he could do something about those starving children and dying mothers on the other side of the world.

Which brings me to another question: If he can't intervene on behalf of all those other evils that abound in the world....why the fuck would he intervene for my salvation, and half ass it with a drunk no less?