Deafness

We may have two posts today, I have a rant going but well, I think I just lost another chunk of my hearing and well, I gotta "think out loud" so to speak.

I'm going deaf. I haven't been to an audiologist, though it's in the works finally. But I've steadily lost hearing for about 5 years now. I had some serious ear infections, led to a vicoden problem and 2 surgeries. One to put tubes in, another to remove scar tissue and replace a tube in my right ear. I lose more hearing from my right ear than my left, though the left is going too. I say lost a chunk of my hearing because while my hearing does decline fairly steadily, there have been 2 times, this will make 3, where I noticed a severe and sudden loss of hearing. I know it's permanent because, well, the "chunk" never returned. The tube in my left ear has been gone for about 2 years now, at least...the right ear tube is still there. I'm not sure if this chunk is permanent or not, right now my ear is draining like a sieve (that's good though), so it could be a result of fluid trying to get out.

I'm losing my hearing in a fairly common way: failure to differentiate between sounds. Increasingly it is harder it sift out sounds. Used to I could sift out all sounds and listen solely for my children crying. Convenient when you have them all screaming through the house and playing. I could easily differentiate, subconsciously, if that was a pain cry or a play cry or if it was just fighting amongst themselves. Now I do good to hear them crying at all from the next room. Watching tv? Very carefully. I have to be able to hear the baby and the toddler and hear the tv. I can't hear the tv unless it's at full volume...makes it extremely difficult. Thank goodness for live tv you can pause or I'd never be able to watch a full show the few times I bother to.

My hearing loss very much upsets my husband. It doesn't upset me too much really. I mean, out of all the senses to lose, I'm of the opinion that hearing is the best for me. I will miss music and hearing my children's voices and the ease of just speaking to someone rather than signing (a skill we will be learning this summer as a family), but am I upset about it? Nah. I'd rather see, and move, and feel, and smell...things could be MUCH worse. And hey, if it's reversible..well, signing is a good ability to have regardless.

Being deaf will not be the end of my life. It might be the close of some parts of it..but all in all, as long as I can SEE the world...I don't mind not hearing it...in some cases, that might even be a good thing. LOL

But I will miss the music...